What is an infidel

An infidel is a bystander. someone who thinks that I have schizophrenia is also an infidel. MY dad is dangerous and my mom is too, because she is only a bystander. They are threatening me. I'm tired of living amongst infidels , which would be everyone in our civilization. I wouldn't' consider myself the same as everyone because I know that there's something wrong. There's something wrong just being here on Earth. I've wanted to go home for quire a while now, instead of being someone who lives here on Earth. I don't know why, but I've been in despair since November of 2016. IT has only gotten worse since then, and I haven't gotten it to go away. Figuratively speaking, I can let my despair go away by taking a "pill", except that it's only an illusion, because it doesn't work. It's just like someone taking pain medicine, which stops working. You can't always take a "pill" or in other words, I can't be in this "feel good" state that everyone else wants me to be in because it's only an illusion and it only makes me think that I'm fine. I'm not an infidel. Instead, I am someone much worse; indescribable. It's not my fault. It's everybody.